My arms feel empty and my heart aches

We are not able to hold Cooper because of all the tubes/machines he is connected to and until he becomes more stable. I am too short to lean over and kiss him- it feels so unnatural not to hold and kiss my baby. I am also pumping every 3 to 4 hours right now, so that I can nurse Coop when he is able. Right now he just gets a nutrition-liquid through a tube. Today has been an emotional day. I hurt a lot, and because of that I cannot see Cooper as much as I would like to. My parents and Lucy went home today, they will help take care of Clayton and Porter-thank goodness they are in good hands.


You can see in Cooper's eyelids, hands, and fingers just how swollen he is-poor baby.