Oh Cooper…we need you

We went for a drive in the mountain today. Driving soothes our souls. I am so scared that Cooper is going to die & that he will never get to go on a mountain drive with us or camping. I just want my baby. Oh Cooper, please get better, we need you. I sat on the mountain today & looked at in the city. I thought about how I might just have to face this world without my Cooper. The reality is sinking in more & more. We went to UMC tonight, so Luan could see Cooper. Then they went home,but I spent the night in the NICU room since Cooper isn’t doing well. I think he needs his mommy. He seems happy when I talk to him. He is really agitated and doesn’t feel well. They have a blanket over the top of his head, to cover his ears, so that the noises don’t bug him. He is so agitated because of his lung emphysema. Tonight they gave Cooper a steroid that is good for his lungs, but bad for the brain. It is the last resort.  A doctor came in & talked with me tonight. This steroid is only given to babies as a last resort when they think the baby is going to die. His lungs need help, but this could hurt his brain. There are 1 out of 4 chances for brain damage or some form of cerebral palsy from this steroid. Pretty scary stuff. I felt sick as I watched the steroid go into Coop’s iv. We have no other choice though. We will do anything to save our baby. His lungs are so bad that the doctor thinks he will probably die or if he does live will have brain damage & complications. My poor Cooper has had to suffer so much. I really want him to pull through, we love him very much. I stayed up late with him. The doctor told me that Laun needs to hold him & that the boys need to see him. Basically, that means Coop will die. The only time they really want siblings in the NICU is if they are saying goodbye. I called Laun & he is so sad. I called my mom & asked her to come down to watch our boys in case Cooper dies, so Laun & I can go together.

surgery day

Laun, Porter & I went to UMC today while Cooper had surgery to seal a valve on his heart. We went to the cafeteria & got some flavored milks. It is something small we can look forward to.

 

The surgery went well & his heart murmur is gone now. Laun & I were worried sick, so we were relieved it all went well. There is an incision on Cooper’s back now, from where they went in. Porter got to see Cooper for the very first time today, since Cooper was in a separate area from the NICU.

 

We went back to UMC later on. I love this picture of the boys sharing a milk. Jeff came in town, so Laun took him up to see Cooper.

I hope Cooper pulls through & makes it.

I feel like I’m not living…just surviving

Just look at these two cuties…I wish all three of my boys were home.

 

We went to UMC as a family. The boys played & painted in the kids room in the hospital, while Laun & I took turns visiting with Cooper. When Laun went up to the 8th floor (where the NICU is) to see Cooper they had a bag & were pushing air into Cooper. That is not good. He is going downhill big time. I feel sick. Laun & I cried & cried & cried. My heart is breaking. I can’t describe the pain we are going through. We had a family prayer for Cooper tonight.

another rough day

I went to UMC to spend time with Cooper today & I cried & cried. I am scared. What if he dies? I don’t know if I could have another baby if Cooper dies. I need Cooper.

Christie came by tonight. I used to babysit her daughter Ginger weekly, until I got submitted to the hospital. Wow, life took a crazy turn.

a turn for the worst

Laun took the boys hiking in the mountains today. Sometimes you just need to get outdoors. I feel bad for the boys. It is hard going through such a stressful time in life. My mom left today & I was so sad. I went to see Cooper tonight & my friend Carrie took me. I can’t drive since I am on strong meds for my c-section recovery. Thankfully, Carrie took me. I was so emotional tonight because Coop is not doing well. He has a heart murmur & needs surgery. His lungs look horrible & look more like a 24-26 week old baby. The doctors think he might be sick with an infection. I am worried sick. Laun & I are so stressed out & sad. This whole having a baby in NICU is a roller coaster. The ups & downs just keep going & going. Yesterday was great & today is horrible. Please hang in there Cooper.

Today was a great day…a day I will never forget!

I can’t believe how much Cooper’s swelling has gone down! He has the blue lights off him now!

 

Awwww… the little buddy got his right arm up where he likes it, near his face. Even with that big iv on his arm. I love how skinny & wrinkly his legs are looking all stretched out.

 

I got to hold Cooper for the first time ever today! I can’t believe he is over a week old & I finally can hold my baby. It takes  a lot to get him from his bed to my lap. There are cords everywhere that you have to be so careful with.

 

He looks like he is smiling. It does our hearts good to finally be close.

 

I got to hold him for a whole hour!!! I love Cooper so much.

 

After we got Cooper all situated in his bed again, he OPENED HIS EYES for the first time in his life!!!! He opened his right eye first & then finally his left eye, too. It seemed like it was such hard work for him. I was so excited, especially since I was there & saw his eyes with my very own eyes. I recorded it on video for Laun & the boys to see. Thank goodness we got a digital camera that has video on it! I wish Laun could have been there, but at least it is recorded.

 

I got so close to his face so that he could see me & I talked & talked to him. I was soooo happy! It was one of the happiest moments in my life to see Cooper with his eyes opened. What a beautiful baby boy he is. He reminded me of Grandpa Mecham with his eyes opened. I am so happy that he opened his eyes while I was there! I am so glad that he saw his mommy who loves him.

 

What an exciting day with my Cooper.

I hate saying goodbye to him everyday as I get ready to leave the hospital & go home.

Porter had his sports class today & he is sure cute when he runs. Clayton is still going to preschool. I am trying to make life seem semi normal for the boys, but it is hard.

Holding my baby & looking into his eyes really helped me today, I needed that. I hope Cooper really just wanted to see his mom so much, that he had to open his eyes…no matter how hard it was for him to open them.

just getting some rays…

Today I went with my mom to see Cooper. He is jaundice & so they have these blue lights on him. His eyes are covered so that the blue lights can’t hurt them. I feel a little overwhelmed by everything that my Coop has to go through. 

 

Cooper was moving some today. It is strange because I hardly ever see him moving. He likes to have his right arm by his face, but that iv makes his hand too heavy to do that.

 

Clayton has been in preschool this week. Laun took the boys to the ear dr. today for their appointments.

My mom treated us all to Cold Stone ice cream tonight. I am glad she is here. I feel like our life is different right now.

Email that Laun sent out:

Well we have some news that is a bit premature.  After spending almost one week in the hospital, Catherine delivered a baby boy on the 21st of March.  She was in the hospital because the baby had a heart rate that was as high as 250.  The baby did not respond well to drugs administered to Catherine, so with edema around the heart and a lot of waiting the baby was taken out so he could be treated directly.

Catherine is sore but doing well, and has only been able to a few times.  When he came out everyone was surprised that he was so big (5 lbs, 1.5 ounces).  There have been a lot of ups and downs with his health, but he is currently doing well his 3rd heart medicine.  His lungs are slowly improving with treatment and time, and he will probably be in the hospital for at least 5 weeks.  It is difficult to never hold him yet seeing him is a great comfort.  We are so happy to have Cooper here and we hope for the best.  We have been supported and blessed more then we can believe. Thanks.

Laun, Catherine, and company

hanging in there

Today I got a hospital grade pump to borrow from WIC. This will help me so much, since I have to pump often. Cooper is too little to nurse & they have him on a special diet. I have to pump so that I don’t loose my milk, so that I can nurse him later. I have to pump every 3-4 hours day & night. It is strange to wake up in the night to pump, rather than actually nurse a baby. It is even stranger that there is no baby at my house, but in a hospital instead. It is hard for me. Today I went with my mom & Rachel Starchmen to see Cooper. Then Laun went at night. I don’t always take pictures of Cooper, sometimes I worry he will get agitated. I am trying to hang in there & get through this time.

Cooper’s swelling is going down!

I can really tell a difference in Cooper today. His swelling is going down.

 

Look at his hand…it is so much skinnier, now that it isn’t all puffy with extra fluid.

 

Oh how I miss my baby when I go home.

Today I spent 4 hours in the hospital with Cooper while Laun watched the boys. I wish Laun & I could have time together with Cooper, but someone has to watch the boys, since they rarely allow children in the NICU. I love anytime I can spend with Cooper. Rachel Starchman came to our house to help us out. She is a friend of mine from the Black Canyon Ward in Phoenix. She brought us food & helped in any way needed. What a great friend. Tonight Laun visited with Cooper. We love our boy.

I came home today, but Cooper has to stay-

How cute are Laun & Clayton in my hospital bed?!

 

Sweet Cooper:

 

Mommy & her baby

Today my incision is starting to feel better & I can walk a little better. I can’t believe how painful the recovery has been. Ryan & Kami Hall came to visit. Cooper looks good today. He has been kind of puffy from his extra fluid, which has started decreasing. I was discharged from the hospital today. I am happy to be home with my family, but I am also sad to leave because my baby is still there. I will miss being where Coop is. When we left the hospital today I started crying on the way to the car. It was such an empty feeling to leave without Cooper. I just had a baby & I was leaving without a baby in a car seat. What a sad, depressing feeling. Laun & I long for him to be home with us. Luckily we live close to UMC & I can go & see Cooper often. Tonight our neighbors, the Horner's came over & brought a wonderful dinner. We all ate dinner together & had a good time visiting with them. Tonight Laun went to pick up my prescriptions & to visit Cooper. I miss Cooper so much, especially at night time. It is nice to have our oldest boys home with us.

another day in the hospital…

This little sign that says Cooper on it is from Clayton- so sweet.

 

Porter made this little sign with stickers on it for Cooper.

 

Hi Cooper (poor little baby is pretty swollen)

 

I am amazed at how many tubes are connected to this little guy, they are all over his bed!

 

I love holding this little guys hand, melts my heart.

Today Laun went to Phoenix to get our boys. Today was a good day. Cooper got some of my milk through his tube twice today! I love being in the hospital still so I can see Cooper more. I usually sit by Cooper & put my finger in his hand. I love when he squeezes my finger. I love him so much. I sing him primary songs & sing him I Am a Child of God a lot.  I talk with him about his daddy & brothers & how much we all love him & want him home soon. They usually say babies are in NICU until their due date. Cooper’s due date is May 18th, that seems so far away. I miss Laun & the boys. They are back in Tucson now but the boys fell asleep on the way home, so Laun will bring them tomorrow.

some visitors

I am still in the hospital as a patient, since I had a c-section. I am actually happy to be here-with Cooper. I love to have visitors. Our amazing neighbors Davey and Carrie Horner stopped in today. Jared and Lisa Hall were here too. Jared gave Cooper a blessing. I am grateful to have the priesthood in my life.

My arms feel empty and my heart aches

We are not able to hold Cooper because of all the tubes/machines he is connected to and until he becomes more stable. I am too short to lean over and kiss him- it feels so unnatural not to hold and kiss my baby. I am also pumping every 3 to 4 hours right now, so that I can nurse Coop when he is able. Right now he just gets a nutrition-liquid through a tube. Today has been an emotional day. I hurt a lot, and because of that I cannot see Cooper as much as I would like to. My parents and Lucy went home today, they will help take care of Clayton and Porter-thank goodness they are in good hands.


You can see in Cooper's eyelids, hands, and fingers just how swollen he is-poor baby.

Cooper Hugh Hall is here

Today Dr. Coppola did an ultra sound of our baby. It didn't look good, there was fluid around his heart. This meant that the baby needed to come out. This was a bittersweet moment for us-we get to see our baby today, but it also means that his body isn't doing well. His heart beat continues to be fast. I feel sick and scared of the thought of having another surgery (c-section), but mainly of not knowing what will happen with our baby boy. I have to have a c-section because of the complications the baby is having-he can't take the stress of normal birth.

Cooper came into this world at 11:13 am. He was born at 31 weeks old, weighed in at 5lbs and 1.5 ounces (this was a shock-he is so big for his age), and is 18 and 1/4 inches long. After he was born they held him up for us to see and then whisked him away to the NICU nurses and doctors that were waiting for him. When the doctors received him, he was limp and blue and not breathing. He wouldn't respond to the bag and mask and vigorous stimulation, and had to be intubated. We were not able to see him until he was stabilized. Laun was very anxious to see our Cooper, several hours later they let Laun in the NICU to see him. I was still in the recovery room with my parents by my side-this is the 11th time that my mom has been in a recovery room with me. Lucy was able to come today too. Finally, I was able to be wheeled in (still in my bed) to see him. He was beautiful. He has medium brown hair with a red tint and long fingers and toes. He was pretty swollen from retaining fluid, but that should go down in a week or so. He really likes to keep his right arm near his face. He has lots of tubes in his mouth and on his chest, umbilical cord, and feet. He is connected to so many machines. He is on a ventalator that makes his chest go up and down fast. He is on an oxygen machine too-technology is crazy. It is overwhelming to see your baby with so many machines attached. Hopefully the medicine works and his heart will slow down. This is a lot to take in. We love you Cooper-please hang in there.











A doctor came in the hospital room tonight and asked for premission to give Cooper a blood transfusion-we agreed. I am having a hard time sleeping. I am nervous and hope Cooper is okay. I wish everything was fine and that he was in our room and I could hold him. I am filled with emothional and physical pain. Luckily Laun is here with me tonight. My c-section hurts so bad. Thankfully my boys are being taken care of by Janae and Sam-what would we do without family? I miss my boys. Clayton is sad and worried and it breaks my heart. I love my family.