together as a family, for the first time

Today the boys got to come in & see Cooper. They were happy to see their baby brother.

 

They gave him kisses:

 

Laun held him for the first time today. He says he feels such hope when he holds Cooper.

 

We took a couple family pictures.

 

Laun got to hold Cooper for 30 minutes. Then a nurse watched our boys while Laun & I spent time with Cooper. I got to hold Cooper again, what a precious baby.

 

He doesn't look so good. His eyes are puffy & dark. He looks like he feels sick. I spent time with him this afternoon. My mom & sister Rachel came to see him & help with the boys.

 

Tonight I finally told Cooper that Laun & I needed him, but that if he really needed to go back to heaven that it was ok. I told him that he needs to do what is best for him. I finally gave Cooper to Heavenly Father. I told Heavenly Father that we need Cooper so much, but that if he needed Cooper back then I would do whatever Heavenly Father wanted for Cooper.  Sometimes I worry that Cooper will just hang on until we are ready to let him go.

I felt sick as I left the NICU. I felt that Cooper would probably die. Could I really live without my baby? I called Cooper’s nurse tonight around 10ish. Her name is Chris & she is a good nurse who loves Cooper. She has even bought him two of the stuffed animals that stay in his bed. I called to see if I should stay the night at the NICU room. She told me to stay home so I could rest & that she would call me if she needed us. Twenty minutes later I got a call from Chris, telling me that Laun & I needed to get to the hospital. This is the call I have been hoping would never come. Thankfully, my mom was there with our boys, so Laun & I headed out. When we got to the hospital Cooper wasn’t looking good. His skin was discolored. Doctor Heather told us that he didn't look good & that she was worried. I felt sick. I felt as though I would pass out. Laun held Cooper’s hand & spent time with him. I laid down for a bit.