They have Cooper paralyzed for the last several days to help him relax & feel better. I’m scared & almost certain he will die. Cooper’s lungs looked bad & are expanded all the way down to his torso, breaks my heart. The doctor said that his lungs would probably start popping soon. Oh my poor baby. I don’t want him to suffer anymore, but I really wanted to take him home some day, he’s my baby. Laun & I laid down in a NICU bed & slept for a bit. Then the doctor woke us up & told us Cooper was going to die. They said that every organ would start shutting down one by one, so the tubes should be pulled out, so he can pass on. Laun & I prayed about what to do. I felt the feeling to let him go, let him go. Laun & I went back into the NICU. Laun gave Cooper a name & a blessing. Then we held Cooper for awhile & his torso started turning a whitish color all over. We knew it was time for Cooper to go back to heaven. His body was starting to shut down. The doctor took out all tubes, except for an iv in his leg, so that Cooper was medicated & would feel no pain as he passed on. Laun & I took turns holding him. His heart kept on slowly beating on his own for around 30 minutes. He passed on around 3 am in the morning.
Laun & I will always treasure the 2 weeks we had with our baby boy. What a precious spirit he was. We are blessed that we got to be together once as a family in the NICU & for eternity. During his life Laun & I each got to hold him.I saw Cooper open his eyes & recorded it. We had help from friends & family. I really miss Cooper already. I had a hard time setting him down in his bed, knowing that his spirit had left his body. He was gone. I knew it was the last time in this life that I would lay him down. I knew I would never be able to go bck into that NICU & see my baby or hold his hand or sing him primary songs. Oh how we longed to bring him home with us, to raise him with our boys, to love & spoil him. I was looking forward to dressing him & nursing him. I pumped all those times in hopes of that someday. I love him. I can’t believe Iam still breathing & living. I felt as though I would die or that part of me was missing. Cooper will always be our baby boy & part of our family. We are so excited to see him again someday & live as an eternal family.
Strangely enough, I still found some peace in that moment. There is still good in tragedy. Cooper is perfect & will go to the celestial kingdom. He endured this life & came here for what he needed. I know he is back in the arms of Heavenly Father. It was strange leaving UMC so early in the morning, after being there all night. We left empty handed, again. I feel closer to God & rely on him more than ever. I am thankful for the gospel & my family. I am physically & emotionally worn out. We miss you Cooper Hugh Hall.
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